Little Girl Lost

Wow! Seriously? Ok Then.....

2009-12-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

Current mood: bitchy

I finally checked my email after like 3 months and all I can say is "wow"! Normally I would pass this off to promo but it seems that this problem has spread over multiple sites and so I'm going to deal with it directly. See there was a little bit of drama between me and a certain guy who shall remain nameless and it would seem that some groupies of his blame me for "him getting fat and dirty"... umm I haven't talked to him in months so how is it my fault that he changed? First off I don't really know how it's any one's business what effect he or I had on the other, but since it appears to be public knowledge now, let me just say I am in no way responsible for his downfall. I adore him to pieces despite the less that savory terms we parted on and I would never wish anything bad on him at all. I don't know why or if he has even changed these are just the random ass accusations and whispers amongst former mutual friends.

The next thing is some chick accused me of forcing him to move. Lol really? Am I that powerful? Um no. Directly after the miscarriage I told him I was moving there, suddenly the next month he decided he was going there as well. My plans, as laid out with the leasing office in July included me moving there in November after the fall term of AIY, so that I could begin next term at AI Charleston. I've been accepted to AI Charleston since July so yeah... get over it, I had NOTHING to do with it nor do I even know if he actually moved. For the record, those who know me know that I moved up from the South in 2008 and this was only supposed to be a temporary move until I sold my home in Georgia which I just now did thanks to this sucky ass economy. So if you feel the need to talk about me, at least get the story strait.

The third accusation from yet another random chick (Notice none of these are coming from him) is that I am bothering him: okay, again, lets look at this with verifiable info shall we? We engaged in one IM conversation on 9/30/09 in which he flip flopped about weather or not he and that German broad were an item. Once he finally admitted it after first denying it, I told him we could not be in each others lives anymore, I did cuss him out for being condescending and was pretty mean. Yes, perhaps that was inappropriate however HE had me over at his place the night before he went to Germany “getting back on good terms” and had been starting stupid fights and lying to me ever since. So bothering? No. A justifiable tongue lashing that lasted all of 2 IM’s. The next bit of contact was on 10/5/09 where it was a simple text asking him to cancel the 3D ultrasound appointment for his own damn child. He didn’t of course. I was slightly pissed at that, so I gave it a week for me to calm down, sent him an email on the 12th explaining my perspective, apologizing for the mean things I said on the 30th and wishing him well with his newest paramore. After that was an accidental happy Halloween text that went to my entire phone book, he was listed a G and I didn’t recall who it was. I have since deleted it. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less. So after the official end of any type of relationship on the 30th, 3 times, 1 was baby related, 1 was intentional and 1 was accidental. Oh if that's bothering than someone has no life.

Fourth rumor, I got a Mr. Yuck tattoo for him. TRUE. I did in fact get that tattoo, and my motives were not so much revenge or spite as they were a reminder not to fall into this again. Like it or not, he does have a certain pull over me with his sweet charm, and I needed a permanent end to this ugly situation. He could tell me the sky is pink with yellow polka dots and I would believe him. Now to those uninvolved that may appear relatively extreme, though keep in mind he tattooed worse about himself on people so in this particular situation it is just another tattoo that is a part of a sleeve. When you miscarry two babies (heterotopic twins) in a 3 week time frame, have your hormones come crashing down, have to explain to 2 toddlers that their baby "sister" (they just assumed) is gone forever, have to shell out 12k in medical bills and deal with catty bitchy gossip, we'll see what types of decisions you make. Was it the best idea to get that tattoo? Not really, does it signify something to me and has it helped me? Yes. To each their own. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less, he doesn't even know I got it! If it doesn't bother him or I, then it shouldn't bother you.

The fifth rumor is that I am bothering his girlfriend. Not true at all, as a matter of fact it is the other way around. She leaves stupid little comments and messages on my official acting blog and forums. One of my readers Mikey, did in fact add her on facebook but that was due to an exchange between the two of them that happened in the comment section there. In addition to that, one of the two of them tried to hack my passwords on every single networking site and my blog. The hacks on here initiated in Germany (per my stats reports).. where she just so happens to live. I also keep getting anonymous emails from INSPOT. Classy!!! I don't know her, don't care about her and will be damned if I ever have to fight with some chick over a dude. It's not that serious. I mean I have been way to busy to worry about such nonsense. Besides that, I have moved on twice since then. One an attempt to rekindle with an old flame who once again annoyed me and the other in this shiny happy relationship that I currently find myself in. So with dating, finishing up another screen play, photo shoots, tattoos, the holiday season, traveling, 2 toddlers, changing management, selling a house, mid terms/finals, searching for a half decent online PR person, working on buying yet another tattoo shop and just life in general I simply don't have the time.

So random little groupies, who are trying so hard to earn their free tattoos, we're not in high school anymore. Perhaps if you spent some time examining your OWN life, which I know to be far from perfect instead of mine, you would be in a much better position. I apologize, but my goal is to NOT be you. That would be back tracking, and I am all about moving forward and being successful. This is all I am going to say about this same song and dance because my personal life and the gossip that surrounds it is starting to overshadow the movies I make, photos I take, the non profit work that I do and that is ridiculous. The is not like Twilight, there is no "Team Casandra" vs "Team _ _ _ _ _" Get Over It

The Meanings of My Tattoos

2009-11-28T01:02:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have been asking me what tattoos I have or am getting next and what they mean, so instead of a few dozen individual emails, I figured a blog would be the best way to do it. In no particular order, they are as follows:

I-IV-III on my inner wrist is an ode to lighthouse on Minot's Ledge since sailing is one of my greatest pleasures and I often feel that this stormy relationship needs a beacon to guide it back.
“Agus na damnaithe fágtha gan focal Glaoigh ormsa i measc na naomh” on my back left shoulder blade = While the wicked stand confounded, call me with thy saints surrounded it is not only one of my favorite quotes but also significant in my social circle.
“Nuair a bheirim thuas mo chlaíomh lonrach agus nuair a ghearann mo lámh an breithiúnas gheobhaidh mé díoltas ar mo naimhde agus aisíocfaidh mé astu a chránn mé. A Thiarna, ardaigh mé go dti do lámh dheisagus cuir mé in áireamh na Naomh.” On the left side of my ribcage. It means: When I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold in judgment, I will take vengeance upon my enemies and I shall repay those who have hazed me. Oh Lord, raise me to thy right hand and count me among thy saints in Gaelic.
“Aequitas” inside my left thigh is the Latin word for justice. I got it because between my mother’s murder, a stalker and the many uphill battles I choose to fight (pit bulls for example); I always make sure to have justice served.
“Veritas” inside my right thigh is the Latin word for truth. I got this because those who know me know that I am honest to a fault, to the point of being ridiculed even, but never will the truth be silenced so long as I am breathing.
Crow on a skull surrounded by dark violet roses in my left calf- it’s a tribute to my mother. The crow signifies the same myth that the file the crow was based on and the skull is symbolic of her death and interest in the dark arts. She, like me, was no ordinary woman and therefore an ordinary in memory of tattoo.
Gypsy sugar skull on my front left thigh signifies the wanderlust that I often give into and that consumes me.
The pair of blue Chuck Taylor’s sneakers with my sons’ names and birthdays is obviously for my sons.
Zombie My Little Pony on my right upper arm is an ode to childhood.
Pirate Kiss on my left breast, it was originally gotten because it is my belief that 90% of a woman’s problems are directly related to their Vajayjay's , so it served as a warning for over lustiness though now it just looks cool.
Zombified Bettie Paige gypsy on arm- I got it because this business kills a reflection of the irony in the modeling world
Mr. Yuk sticker on back of arm- To remind me to never ever fall into a certain someone's tainted smile again (he remains the only person to render me helpless against his charms)
A devil that says Tony (my child) above me knee
A Boston red sox logo fire burst on my back between the shoulder blades (my first tattoo of my first love... baseball)
Stitch from Lilo and stitch on my leg- because stitch didn't have a family either and was built to destroy... he reminded me of me

Ode To The Douchebag

2009-11-23T01:08:00.000-08:00

This my darlings, is quite possibly one of the greatest songs ever! I figure that there are so many douchebags in this world that it is only right to give them a proper shout out. To view the top rated douche's on the net, or to nominate one yourself, visit: Douchbag Alert. Otherwise, sit back relax and enjoy 'The Douchebag Anthem' by Causal Mafia. and if you feel the need to leave a special shout out to the douche in your life, just throw it in the comments.

Minus Another Friend

2009-11-20T01:16:00.000-08:00

This year is really not my year. Not in the slightest. Not only was there the whole Gabby Moore pregnancy/miscarriage debacle but now it would seem that one of the people I thought was my closest friend is apparently a douche. I am not even really sure what happened here but it would seem that it was enough for him to send one text in particular that decimated our nearly 3 years of friendship and any future chance of a reconciliation. What was the message? "oooohhhh LOL youre so mean hahahaa, i dont plan on buggin ya anymore lol, now i see why so many people dont like you, especially gabby" (sic). Low blow much? I have yet to respond to that particular message because what exactly does one say to that? I mean I could of course do like I normally do and go strait for the jugular (see: How To Keep A Bitch In Line for an example), I could be mature and ignore it, or I could get over the fact that he threw up Gabby. I normally remain friends with everyone I come into contact with. A Gabby comment? Really?! Really? For that one single comment and throwing him into my face, we will never be anything ever again. Ever. Could have said anything else. Whore. Bitch. Anything, but to bring up Gabby shows me that we were never friends or anything, clearly I never meant anything to him for him to rip open a freshly scabbed wound. Some people are saying I must have hurt him, some people are saying he is secretly in love with me, I say he has a deep seeded hatred to go so far below the belt. So yeah... chalk up yet another loss... though admittedly this one is not so bad, we have always had a love/hate friendship.